In a world where a trillion is a home world, life’s stress can become just an overwhelming attempt. More than ever, couples need to know how to stay in touch during upcoming experiences.
I work with two husbands every week in a full stay mode. It’s like they’re on a treadmill playing ping pong. That plastic ball continues to shoot at them who knows where. They hit her away but she comes back. All the time they try to stay upright and run on a moving platform underneath. Sounds like a very difficult situation, right? Well, now imagine two people doing the same thing to stay connected and connected.
What you described is your typical young family in today’s culture. Somewhere in the mix of taking care of the things at issue, the marriage becomes detached, confusing, and closed.
“Stop the world, I want to come down,” the frequent cry for help becomes. Surprisingly, stopping is the first step to repelling this sinister cloud of frantic activity. Here are some steps that may help your marriage reconnect.
1). Be intentional. Nothing ever happens unless you schedule it on purpose. You have everything else on your daily to-do list … everything from taking out the trash to putting food in the parrot’s cage is on your must-do list … why not put your marriage on the list too? Together, decide that you will meet each other for ten minutes a day to reconnect. This “meeting” shouldn’t be interrupted, so make it happen when the kids are in bed or before they wake up. This could mean waking up 10 minutes early in the morning or going to bed 10 minutes early at night. Either way, this is one of the most valuable times of the day, so make the sacrifice.
2). Be in eye contact. Sit quietly. Take 10 deep breaths. Look into each other’s eyes. Do you remember when you first met how you probably sat and stared at each other longing? This is the same concept except on an abbreviated basis. Eye contact is a very important component of communication. Don’t let this person in action be the only one looking into your partners’ eyes.
3). Did you know that the average couple only talks purposefully 20 minutes a week? Imagine if you spent 10 minutes a day staring into each other’s eyes and communicating heart to heart. You’ll be 3 times more related than the average couple in America! So during these ten minutes of calling you talk about “matters of the heart”. Here are some examples of Heart Topics.
“How are you today? Do you feel fear, confusion and anger?”
“Where is your heart today? Can you tell me how you feel?”
“Help me understand how you are today. Tell me where you are in your heart.”
4). The rules of the game as you can see above mean that you will explore how your partner is Feel. The “topic of the heart” connection means talking about “things f” …Feelings! You are not allowed to argue, try to settle past arguments, solve a problem, or talk privately about finances! You are only allowed to look into your partner’s eyes and see what is in their heart. Do they feel lonely, frightened, tired?
Does this sound too comical, simple, or just plain tacky? Don’t knock it until you try it. I challenge you and your partner to sit back and communicate on purpose for ten minutes every day. You will not believe the difference it will make in helping you to survive in this crazy pong game.